kollo_rpg | Summer 13 | Closed to Jack Harkness

It’s just how he is. Ianto has come to have a better understanding of it over the past few years, enough to accept that even without Spike in the picture Jack never would have stayed with him forever. He isn’t built for it. It was a sad realization at first, but he tries not to think about it much these days.

He should have been expecting that kiss but it still takes him by surprise so he fumbles for a moment before returning it, soft and emotional but perhaps not quite as needy as Jack. That hesitation isn’t something he’s really conscious of. Perhaps it’s a bit of reluctance, a slight feeling that they still aren’t quite there yet. It’s clear however that Jack needs this and that tugs at him, too, makes him press back against those lips even if he isn’t sure this is the best move for himself just now.

Jack may be blind to many things, but when it comes to anything sexual he's normally much more aware, and he can't help but notice that moment of hesitation before Ianto returns his kiss, and the feeling that there's something being held in reserve here.

Which means that it's only really a minute or two before he's pulling back slightly, not away, just trying to reduce his own neediness and give Ianto a chance to say no if he needs to.

"Sorry," he mumbles, abruptly very aware of the fact that Ianto and Spike have stayed put while he's moved on and that such advances might actually be off the table now.

It was an almost unconscious hesitation, one Ianto isn’t even fully aware of until Jack pulls away, leaving him feeling confused and honestly a bit ashamed. He didn’t expect to learn all he did today, mostly thought it was just going to be some time to catch up and reconnect, the first step in working back towards what they had. Now instead it feels as though he’s fallen down a flight of stairs, ending up at that inevitable destination while still missing several important things along the way. In the end he simply has to decide which is more important, addressing that lingering hesitation and uncertainty of the fact that Jack clearly needs him right now. It was never going to be much of a choice.

He shakes his head with a faint, serious little smile. “It’s alright. It was just a moment, but it’s passed now. Don’t worry.” He’s more confident when he leans in to kiss him again, deliberately so.

To be fair, Jack hasn't quite been sure they're really there yet either, and he really wasn't intending to push things, but he's such a creature of instinct that he just went with his gut feeling at that instant. He's totally prepared for Ianto to reject him, and so the wave of emotion that washes through him when Ianto gives him that funny little smile and leans in again is unexpectedly fierce. Things have felt slightly off with Ianto ever since he and Spike arrived (however much Jack has been playing it cool and easy) and it's such a relief to feel able to connect like this, the way they've always communicated best.

So he meets the kiss with relief, trying to keep too much neediness out of it but definitely wanting. His hands stroke into Ianto's short hair as he drowns his senses in the feel and scent and taste of Ianto once again.

They’re not quite on the same page yet but Ianto is sure as hell going to pretend they are for as long as he can. They’ve been together long enough for him to realize that being the only emotionally support Jack has isn’t always healthy for either of them. Most of the time he values it and it brings them closer together but there are times when it makes him reckless or causes Jack to be over protective. He’s missed Jack but he hasn’t missed how complicated and intense things can get between them.

He has missed the way he kisses, though, and the smell of him, those 51st century aftershave pharmones. He’s missed how they can have entire conversations through touch without saying a word. It makes it impossible not to begin to relax under his affection, to return those kisses with less hesitation, to begin to tell himself maybe he can take this step to begin reconnecting with him.

Things do tend to get complicated between them, and that's a part of what's made him so hesitant, knowing how much simpler things have been for Ianto with just Spike and how much more complicated they are now he's back in the picture again. In relationships gone by he probably wouldn't even have worried about it, just gone barging back in without a second thought, but Ianto and Spike (as well as other people back at MarinaNova) have massively deepened his understanding of how others are affected by such things and he is at least a little more sensitive now.

So he's aware that things are still a little off between them, but like Ianto he's happy to ignore that for the moment in the face of the comfort Ianto's offering right now. As Ianto begins to open up more to him, he lets out a little moan and lunges into the kiss, heat and need and more specific want for Ianto, as he begins to let himself realise just how much he's missed him.

Their relationship has never been normal. He doesn’t know if it can be. In a way it needs he constant drama and excitement to survive since it’s something they both love in their lives. He’s just never quite sure whether it strengthens their relationship or just brings more stress to it. He’s had a lot of time to overthink these things while Jack’s been away.

And as always that overthinking goes right out the window in his presence and all he can focus on is those kisses and the moans he’s starting to make as well as he presses closer to him.

If asked, Jack would definitely say the drama has strengthened their relationship, because it's the things they've been through together that have drawn them so much closer - although, yeah, external drama does sometimes have a way of interrupting intimate moments. Not here, though. Here, on Norrhamn, there are no threats, no dangers, nothing to interrupt them save perhaps being stumbled upon by a passer by, but even that possibility feels remote right now. Jack has no attention for anything other than the man in his arms, who feels so right there that he's starting to wonder how he ever stayed away as long as he did.

"Fuck, I missed you," he gasps, shifting position for a new angle, his hands beginning to rove over Ianto's back and arms and head, restlessly wanting to encompass the whole of him, committing him to memory once more.

There’s still that tint, lingering voice of uncertainty in Ianto’s mind, the one that thinks they’re rushing back into their relationship before he was quite emotionally ready for it, the one that worries about how healthy it is that intense drama and emotions always seem to bring them together. But there’s no stopping this now and Jack so clearly needs this. If there’s one thing he always tries to do with mixed success it’s protect Jack since he certainly won’t do it for himself.

So he sets aside any unease or hesitation for now because it’s important, because Jack is greving and heartbroken and needs him right now and that’s something he’ll always put first no matter how long it’s been or how much changes between them. He lets himself press back against him, letting those wandering hands pull him closer, reminding him that he’s real and here and he hasn’t lost him. “I’ve missed you, too.”

He's grieving and heartbroken and needy, but he's not blind, and especially he's very finely attuned to the signals coming from someone he's making love to. Especially when that's someone he knows as well as he knows Ianto. So somewhere deep down, beneath all the churning grief and want and urgent need, he's still aware that Ianto is not quite all right with all this, and the longer this goes on, the more strongly that knowledge is filtering through.

He already checked in verbally once and got verbal assurances, so he doesn't bother trying that again. He knows Ianto will try to do almost anything for him, just as he would for Ianto, but that doesn't mean he's okay with it. So, instead, he uses the language they seem to communicate better through, and gradually forces himself to calm down, to lighten the heat in his kisses and slow the urgency of his roving hands. To reduce the expectation to something more manageable, something at a level Ianto's comfortable accepting. Letting him know that he's fine with that.

Until the kisses are softer and lighter, tender and affectionate, and eventually peter out altogether, just the two of them holding each other, close and comforting. He buries his face in Ianto's shoulder again and holds him tight.

((OOC: OMG, I adore how complicated and mixed up and hot and uncomfortable this whole thing is. But *I* was getting uncomfortable, so my solution is to have Jack just slightly more aware than he used to be! *g* ))

In an odd way just the fact that Jack can read him so well banishes those last lingering doubts. It’s been a long time since heave seen each other, a long time since they’ve been intimate and Jack still knows exactly what he’s thinking and feeling without him having to say a word, even in the midst of everything he’s going through. If that isn’t enough to reassure him that they’ve still got it he doesn’t know what is.

So he places a hand gently on the side of his face, lifting it up so he can look him in the eyes and make it clear this is okay, that they’re on the same page now, that Jack isn’t the only one who suddenly finds himself wanting to reconnect physically. “Let’s go somewhere more private, shall we?”

((You know heave gotta have the drama these two! XD))

His chin lifts easily enough at the prompting, but it takes him a moment before he can lift his eyes to match, not quite sure what he'll see in Ianto's face. What he does see, though, is reassurance and affirmation and his heart swells with foolish love.

He swallows, but doesn't trust himself to speak, just nodding and managing a bit of a shaky smile as he presses one more warm, grateful kiss onto Ianto's mouth and then pulling back so he can untangle himself and work his way up to his feet.

He glances about, assessing their choices but, really, this doesn't feel like the time for a frolic in the sea or the woods. He wants somewhere they can lie comfortably and won't have to move immediately afterwards if they don't want to.

Cabins it is, then. He nods his head in the direction of the village and gives Ianto a twisted smile. "Your place or mine?"

Ianto wraps an arm around him, very much a physical and emotional support right now as he pulls him away from the beach and back towards the tiny cluster of buildings they had left behind. This was the right place for baring his soul but not for what follows.

“Yours.” It’s not that he’s avoiding Spike in the least but this is very clearly a private moment between the two of them and it needs to stay that way. Luckily the walk isn’t far and he doesn’t mind making it in relative silence. In a strange way it’s a comfortable one.

It was definitely the right place for baring his soul, and to be honest he's made in love in more exposed places too, but it's not what he wants right now. He wants comfort, and security, as will be evident (if it wasn't already) from the way he leans into Ianto's embrace as they walk, even more greedy for contact than he is normally.

"Yeah," he agrees, with a gusty sigh, and can't even bring himself to worry too much if any of his housemates are home. He hasn't seen any of them apart from Hanako for a while anyway, and while he doesn't want to freak Hanako out, she's going to have to get used to the idea of him bringing people home eventually. It's not exactly something he's ever going to stop doing altogether!

So, when they get back to the cabin, he doesn't call out to her, because he knows he still looks a state from all the crying and anyway he's not in the mood for lengthy explanations. If she's home, she'll either cope or she won't, and he'll deal with it later. Right now, all he wants is his bedroom, with Ianto in it, and the door closed and latched behind them, shutting them away, safe and contained. He pulls Ianto to him and kisses him again, urgent and wanting.

He isn’t particularly in the mood to socialize either so Ianto doesn’t protest as Jack immediately leads them to his room and pulls the door shut behind them. That kiss is met with one just as passionate, immediately different from what he felt at the beach. It felt like they were out of synch before but now those doubts are gone, replaced with confidence along with longing. He missed him, missed this. Every time Jack has left over the years he’s wondered how he could be so dependent on him and every time he returns all he can think is how on earth he managed to live without him around. His hands are firm, comforting and confident as them begin to properly move across him, relearning the shape of him after being away for so long.

It's strange but suddenly, after all the hesitating and second-guessing, they finally feel like they're both thinking the same thing, wanting the same thing, and Jack is way beyond ready at this point. He's been keeping himself detached ever since the ship blew up and he desperately needs this connection now. He half-sobs as he clutches at Ianto, feeling his body respond beneath those questing hands, his own grasping at Ianto's jacket to pull him close, and then changing tack and trying to get underneath it, wanting quite desperately to feel skin on skin.

It’s very obvious that Ianto is going to be the one taking control in this situation since Jack is so far gone emotionally. While he’s eager to get closer to him it doesn’t have that same tinge of desperation and loneliness so he works gently to begin untangling and removing clothing from them both, moving carefully around Jack’s needy hands to get him that skin they both want - and in Jack’s case, need.

If it weren't for Ianto's solid, unflappable, practical side right now, patiently helping him with their clothes, there would probably be clothing being ripped out of frustration and Ianto having to wear some of Jack's clothes to go home in. He's been holding it together for so long that now, finally behind closed doors with the one person he loves and trusts probably more than anyone else in the universe, letting it all go is threatening to become an overwhelming experience.

He does his best to keep it together enough to avoid any ripping of fabric whilst also getting his hands on Ianto's skin as much as he can, until in what feels like a remarkably short period of time they're both naked and he can pull Ianto greedily towards the bed, hands roving over newly exposed skin, exploring the remembered shape of him and the little things that have changed since they were last together.

It’s been a long time since he’s seen Jack like this. Since Marina, maybe, when he disappeared and came back, or when lanto learned he was going to die or maybe when he first slept with Spike. In any case it’s been years and it tugs at his heartstrings to see how much pain he’s clearly in.

It feels good when things are finally out of the way, when he can finally touch him properly, basking in the warmth of his skin, the smell of him, all the little details he’s missed. Of course Jack hasn’t changed but of course Ianto has. He’s older, even though it’s just by a few years but there are still noticible differences, a few hints at lines and creases that weren’t there before, nothing dramatic but surely apparent to someone whose ageless and very obvious to someone who is currently obsessed with the fact that he’s aging and neither of his partners are. It’s motivated him to stay fit and he’s perhaps in better shape than he was before but it’s still something he thinks about all the time, this invisible deadline he’s set for himself to change by before it all seems too late.

Yeah, the last few years have been blessedly free of drama, but in some ways that makes it all the harder to deal with this now. Because once again he'd let himself care, only to get kicked in the teeth by it all over again.

He only breaks off kissing Ianto long enough to pull him down onto the bed with him, and then he's diving back in, coaxing Ianto on top of him so he can feel covered by him, smothered in him, steadied by the weight of him holding him down, keeping him from flying apart. His hands trace over the lines of muscles that are better defined than he remembers, and then down to the pert, gorgeous ass he remembers so well.

Ianto let’s himself be pulled down onto the bed, picking up quickly on what Jack needs - contact, as much of it as he can get. Not that he minds. Or that he’s at all surprised Jack’s hands go right to his ass. Some things never change.

His own hands are busy at work as well, one cradling Jack’s face as he continues to kiss him while the other runs down Jack’s chest, hot against the familiar skin before continuing lower between his legs, strokiing over his thighs teasingly before beginning to work confidently at his cock.

This is the big advantage of being with someone who knows him so well, rather than a one night stand or even one of his short-term trysts. Ianto knows instinctively what he needs, understands what his tugs mean, and gives it to him, and love and gratitude rise up in him again - along with other things, when Ianto reaches down between his legs. His cock jumps at the touch, rapidly hardening from its semi-flaccid state, and he groans, arching needily into the touch, his own fingers digging reflexively into Ianto's ass.

"Ianto!" he gasps, revelling in being able to moan Ianto's name and have it heard, instead of it echoing emptily around a room void of anyone but himself. He stares up into Ianto's eyes, knowing instantly what he wants, and forces himself to release Ianto with one hand so he can reach under the pillows for the lube. "Want you inside me. Please."

They fit back in place with such familiarity. It’s a relief and he hadn’t realized how much he missed it. Despite all the emotions and drama that always seem to fill their relationship at the end of the day they simply work together. They always have.

He grunts approvingly as those fingers clench at his ass, hips twitching reflexively and causing him to grind against Jack’s thigh. The fact that there’s lube so close at hand doesn’t make him bat an eye but that request does, if only for a moment. He and Jack were always more flexible in their roles in the bedroom whereas Spike likes be on top almost exclusively. They do occasionally change things around but lately he’s gotten quite used to being on the bottom, which they all know is more of his thing anyway. Not that he’s about to say no. In fact the only answer he gives is a smile between kisses as he takes the bottle from Jack to squirt some of the lube messily on his fingers before dipping them back between his legs to get to work properly.

That moment of hesitation tells him a lot more than Ianto probably realises about the fact that he obviously still mostly bottoms for Spike and nothing's changed there, and there's a flicker of a grin as he hands over the lube. He's sure that, whatever hasn't changed in Ianto's relationship with Spike, Ianto still knows his way intimately round an ass with lube and that he has nothing to worry about there.

He brings his knees up a bit to give Ianto room and the right angle to work, and then wraps his arms around him again, groaning into his mouth as those achingly familiar fingers begin to work their way inside him.

It's... been a while since he's felt a man's fingers inside him, and he's really glad it's Ianto who gets to renew that experience for him.

They had a conversation once, years ago when this all started with spike about what different people bring to relationships and it rings very true to him right now. He does different things with the two of them, and honestly he likes it that way. They’ve found their rhythm over time, or they can relearn it easily enough. He certainly knows how to find that percent angle and spot that Jack loves, the one that gets those achingly delicious noises from him and makes him squirm like that.

He takes his time, still kissing him enough to make him lightheaded and short of breath when he finally asks, “Ready for me?”

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject

no subject