Summer 13 | Closed to Jack Harkness

[readystopwatch]

[He hasn’t meant to avoid Jack since arriving here but somehow it’s felt easier to do just that. It’s been awkward, trying to fit back into each others lives with all the time and distance and obvious secrets they’re both pretending don’t exist. Its felt simpler to just pretend they’re both busy getting to know this place and that’s why they haven’t seen much of each other.

Still if there’s one thing Ianto Jones has learned it’s that you can’t run away from the inevitable. Better to face it head on, go see Jack and get all this out in the open once and for all. They’ve got to start reconnecting sometime, why put it off any longer?

So it’s with two thermoses of coffee and a decided effort to hide any awkwardness that he knocks on the door of Moose Cabin.]

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[readystopwatch]

Those are things he always forgets he misses - flushed, hot skin, the pounding of a heartbeat against his, the way Jack gasps for air as he beings to move. They’re all missing with Spike and they hit him with a sudden unexpected wave of intensity, one that makes him begin to lose control for the first time in all of this. He isn’t thinking about their relationship or taking care of Jack or where they go from here anymore. It abruptly becomes all about how good this feels, slamming the breath from his chest in an unexpected rush and leaving him flushed and hot and unbelievably turned on. He’s not taking it slow anymore, instead slamming into him with each thrust, relishing the way those nails dig into his back or how he can feel Jack’s pulse thundering through him where they’re pressed together.

[forever_jack]

Jack's not quite sure what it is that causes that sudden heat to rush through Ianto, but he's certainly not opposed to the results, feeling him come apart through every single point of connection between their bodies. And he's really not opposed to the way Ianto starts to slam into him like that, making the already overwhelming experience of getting fucked again by Ianto even more overwhelming. Overwhelming is exactly what he wants right now. He shudders and writhes and gasps under the force of those thrusts, clinging on for dear life, taking everything Ianto has to go give, lost and drowning in both physical pleasure and the churning emotions of being back with Ianto after everything that's happened.

[readystopwatch]

Jack’s response just turns him on more, leaving him overwhelmed and gasping for breath. One arm remains wrapped around Jack while the other braces against the headboard for better leverage. He takes full advantage of it, continuing to pound into him as he urges him towards release.

[forever_jack]

A part of him really wants this to go on forever and never end, but that's not going to happen, not with Ianto fucking him like there's no tomorrow. There's no way he can hold out against that onslaught of sensation and, far too soon, he can feel his climax start to pool deep within. He clings on as Ianto continues to plough into him, nowhere to hide, no way to hold back, and it's utterly perfect. He sobs and pants and cries out as the pleasure floods through him, whole body taut with it as he pulses out his release.

[readystopwatch]

He doesn’t lose control like this often, not in this way but there’s a lot going on in this moment for both of them. Feeling Jack’s body clench and tighten around him is so familiar and yet he still feels like he’s rediscovering it. More than anything it’s the panting for air that does it for him, and after a few more of those desperate thrusts on his part he’s there as well, coming hard inside him with a choked gasp before slumping against him, head buried against the crook of his neck and the pounding of his pulse.

[forever_jack]

This certainly goes way beyond intense, what with everything he's been through and the reconnecting with each other after so long apart, and even after they've both come and Ianto has collapsed gloriously on top of him, breath seems particularly hard to come by. They're both panting hard, hearts beating frantically against each other, and it couldn't be better. He lies there, just breathing, enjoying the feel of Ianto's body heavy over his own, fingers slowly unclenching from Ianto's shoulders and starting to smooth instead over the hot, sweaty skin of his back.

"Wow," he croaks, and lets out a little laugh at how wrecked he sounds.

[readystopwatch]

Ianto has no plans to move anytime soon. Right now this is just as important as what they just did. Certainly he’s aware of all the things he forgets he misses with Spike - the heat, the heartbeat, his breath, so many other little details - by part of it is just the need to take in all those things that make Jack who he is, the smell and shape of him and the way he feels. He had convinced himself he didn’t miss it, more or less. It wasn’t true.

“Don’t stay away so long next time,” He murmurs, head still buried in his shoulder.

[forever_jack]

Definitely as important as what they just did. In some ways, by far the most important part of anything. Jack, certainly, is revelling in the feeling of intimacy and closeness wrought from having done that together, and from being together again after so long.

"I won't," he promises, and he means it right now, even if it probably won't stop him getting distracted again next time. He runs a hand up through the short hair at the nape of Ianto's neck, holding him close. "I missed you. More than I realised."

Of course, he'd realised it plenty in the last couple of months, but by then it felt too late - wrong to go slinking back to Ianto just for comfort, after staying away so long.

[readystopwatch]

He doesn’t for one minute believe it but that’s not the point right now. They both know Jack will never be able to settle down with anyone or in any one place for long. But right now they can both pretend that maybe next time he will.

He shifts gently to the side so he can settle more comfortably against him. “I missed you, too. More than I realized.” He may be repeating him but it’s true. He didn’t know until a few moments ago how much he wanted him back in his life. He knows Jack we’ll enough to know it won’t be easy, that the loss he’s experienced will be weighing heavily on him for a long time and he isn’t the sort of person who copes with that well. But he can’t help but feel that being together - more than together, once Spike is back in the mix - is infinitely better for him than being alone.

[forever_jack]

It might at least make him better about staying in touch, and visiting them more frequently, even if he still feels the need to move on eventually.

He whines a bit when Ianto's weight comes off him, even if it means he'll be able to breathe better, and shifts onto his side a bit more so he can still hold Ianto close, very reluctant to reduce the amount of physical contact he's getting now that he's finally let himself take some.

Ianto's words are comforting too. However much experience he has of polyamorous relationships, there's still always at least a small worry that the other two are happier without him, especially when they seem to suit each other as well as Spike and Ianto do. (And especially when there have still been lingering memories of that fake future they experienced back in MarinaNova.) It's a huge relief to be welcomed back with such open arms, and he means by Spike too. He knows they will both look after him as much as they can.

He nuzzles his face into Ianto's hair and mumbles, "I'm sorry it took me so long to come home."

[readystopwatch]

Privately Ianto isn’t quite so sure the three of them will fit back together with perfect smoothness. They might all want to but he has a feeling it will take a bit of time to find out how to balance things out again. It’s not the sort of thing to mention just now though. Better to let it play out on its own and hope for the best.

“I know you don’t like to stay tied down long,” He answers softly. It would have been a sad observation once but that was years ago. He’s had plenty of time to make his peace with it. More seriously he added, “Would you like me to tell Spike about what happened to you? Or would you rather share it yourself when you feel ready?”

[forever_jack]

Oh, he's not expecting perfection, but the fact that they're all so willing, that they all want to try, means a hell of a lot.

His lips twitch a bit at Ianto's quiet observation, because hey, he's always up for a bit of being tied down in the literal sense! Just not in the metaphorical one...

At Ianto's suggestion, he lets out a breath he hadn't realised he'd been holding in, and nods against his shoulder. "Yeah," he says, already shaky again just at the thought of having to go through all that revelation and explanation again so soon. "Would you? He ought to know, and I... It's all a bit too much to talk about it, you know?"

[readystopwatch]

Oh they both know how much they enjoy tieing each other down - they’ve had plenty of time to play around with that in the last five years! - but in this sense it’s true. Jack doesn’t like to stay put for long, not with that whole universe out there to entice him. Ianto and Spike have certainly done their share of traveling around these last few years but he doesn’t have that same need to run Jack does.

“I’ll tell him,” Ianto assures him, hands stroking comfortingly across his back. “When you feel up to it you should consider talking to him about it. He’s good at this sort of thing, you know.”

[forever_jack]

There's still a lot of the universe he'd like to show Ianto. Perhaps next time he gets itchy feet, Ianto and Spike could come with him!

For now, though, he's very happy to take time out here - and he is glad that Spike's here too. He nods. "I know. I almost told him the other day, I just couldn't quite get there." He lets out a breath. "I do want to talk to him about it, I just... it's a lot, you know? Need to get myself together again first."

[readystopwatch]

Ianto nods, head rubbing against Jack’s shoulder as he does. He takes a moment to settle himself more comfortably before asking quietly, “Do you need to talk about it now?”

In a way it might be easier, after the initial pain of mentioning it , after the way they’ve reconnected now. It will still hurt but perhaps in a different way.

[forever_jack]

He's quiet for a moment, gazing up at the ceiling, eyes wide but tearless now, though the signs of his previous tears are still there. Then he turns his head to smile sadly at Ianto and gives him a little squeeze.

"Yeah. I'd like that." He's calm again now, for the moment, heavy and languid and a little more accepting after having so much emotion washed out of him. "I wish you'd got to meet them. I always meant you to, there just always seemed to be somewhere else to be. But it would have been nice if there were someone else who remembered them." He smiles softly. "You'd have liked them, especially Taiana. She was the practical one, but with the dry humour lurking underneath."

[readystopwatch]

It’s always been this way with them - easier to talk and to connect after sex. There’s something comforting, simple about it. He loves the feeling of lying here in Jack’s arms. It makes it feel like the rest of the world no longer exists and that it’s safe to talk about and share anything. He knows Jack feels the same way, too.

He listens quietly, observing the pain on Jack’s face as he talks about the people he lost. He clearly loved them, no matter what he might be willing to admit on the subject. “There are lots of people out theee who remember them. If they were with you they must have been good, I’m sure they’ll be missed by more than you know. And I’m sorry I wasn’t able to be one of them.”

[forever_jack]

Yeah, lying together after sex has always been their special space, when revelations can be made that'd be impossible at any other time.

"Thanks, that means a lot," he says, giving Ianto a grateful squeeze. "And obviously there are other people who'll miss them, it's just, I didn't know any of them. Not really. I never even visited their home world or met any of their family - and afterwards, I couldn't bear to. I just let the authorities deal with all the notifications. I don't even know if they had any kind of funeral. I just sort of... ran away."

Something he's not proud of, any more than he was the last time, after Ianto and Stephen. It makes him feel too much like the Doctor, and he's always prided himself on not being like the Doctor and actually staying to pick up the pieces afterwards. (Although, admittedly, a lot of that was because he was stuck in Cardiff and couldn't just run away.)

[readystopwatch]

He’s not surprised but doesn’t comment on it. Jack runs away. It’s what he does. He very much doubts he attended Ianto’s own funeral either. He can’t say he really blames him - what’s the point when you’re immortal and everyone you love becomes little more than a countdown to when you lose them again.

“And you haven’t let yourself stop running since, have you?” He asked gently. It hasn’t been long, certainly not long enough to recover or to let himself heal. “At least until coming here?”

[forever_jack]

No, he didn't attend Ianto's funeral. He'd attended enough funerals over the centuries to start feeling like a ghost, always the one left standing but never really included amongst the friends and family, standing at the edge of the crowd, grieving alone. After the whole thing with the 456, coming so soon after having lost Owen and Toshiko, he just couldn't do it again.

And, oh fuck, Ianto knows him so well. He grimaces a bit, and takes a while to meet Ianto's eyes. "I guess not. I kept myself busy, went off trying to find other people to help - other people to save." He gives Ianto a rather self-conscious look, because this is not how he's always tried to cope before.

"I figured it was better, at least, than trying to drown and fuck away my sorrows like I did after - you know. The last time."

[readystopwatch]

“I think that’s called growth,” Ianto responds with a soft, sympathetic smile. There are a lot of things Jack could have done to cope. The fact that he chose helping others is oddly sweet and encouraging. It is better than how things went last time and that has to count for something. “I’m glad you stopped running though. And I’m glad it was in the same place as us.”

He shifts around a bit, getting more comfortable against Jack as he adds quietly, “You know we came here to run away from things, too.”

[forever_jack]

Well, trying to save others is pretty much what Jack does, his default mechanism. Whatever he does, wherever he goes, he always seems to end up trying to make things better. Of course, a part of it is the excitement, the thrill of the danger he ends up putting himself in, and the last couple of months he's been putting himself recklessly in ever greater danger in order to save people from the clutches of death.

It is, however, quite possibly the first time he's actually recognised this self-destructive tendency and made the decision to do something about it.

Even so, he's not quite ready to admit to something as serious-sounding as 'growth'! He shrugs a bit, looking uncomfortable but undeniably pleased by the praise even as he tries to deflect it. "I think most people are here to run away from things. It's kind of in the nature of the place." He smiles, stroking Ianto's back lightly. "I'm glad you ran here too, though. Even though I was kind of trying to put off coming back to you, I'm really glad I didn't manage it!"

[readystopwatch]

He isn’t offended that Jack was avoiding coming back to them. Relationships between the three of them are intense at the best of times. It would be overwhelming after something like this. As for finding them in this place, well, “Can you really be surprised we’d gondomeehere time locked?”

They haven’t talked about it directly but Jack knows why he’s here, what deadline they’re all avoiding talking about. His own problem to run from.

[forever_jack]

He... really had expected Ianto to understand that. He'd expected frustration with his errant ways - long-suffering acceptance at best - but not genuine understanding, and even though Ianto doesn't say it out loud, he can see it in his face. He studies Ianto a little more closely, giving him a tiny, rueful smile.

"Spike says you're still absolutely set on becoming a vampire," he says quietly - the quietness mostly just to keep control, because he's a jumble of different emotions about this issue and right now he's a jumble of emotions anyway.

[readystopwatch]

How long have they been together now? Seven years? Almost eight? Certainly the beginning of that was little more than casual sex but still, he knows Jack, knows him as well as maybe anyone can. He understands how he works by now and why he does the things he does. In an odd way being apart as much as they have lately has helped to throw all that into even sharper focus.

He shrugs. “I’m not doing it because I want to be a vampire. Trust me, I’m well aware of it’s downsides.” He really is after loving with Spike this long since they’re all things they’ve had to experience together - not just things like being limited to the night but other developments, too. Moving around often to keep people from noticing, remembering to invite him into places, even just how much blood you can buy before a butcher starts to get suspicious. He’s sssn it all first hand lately along with the bigger issues like how hard it is to live as a demon with a soul. “But I’m tired of changing when you two don’t and frankly I’m afraid to die.” Again remains unsaid. That shadow Tyki cast over them all will always be there.