summer 10 (closed to chloe)

[bluerocks]

[ At some point after leaving the afternoon crowd at the community center, Zelgadis finds himself wandering over to Deer Cabin. He's decidedly less gloomy-feeling than when abruptly broke off the meeting with Chloe several days ago, and after noticing her meeting with some of the newcomers to the island, he'd realized that it was nice to see a friendly face in the midst of strangers. Besides, he wants to give his own cabin a little bit of a cooldown; the addition of some loud girl to Lingonberry made him want to spend even less time there.

He doesn't know if Chloe is around, or who else might be staying there, but he knocks on the door anyway. ]

Comments

[bluerocks]

So you came here by your own free will, without your owner.

[ He inflects that last word with a tone that's a mixture of distaste and skepticism; by Zel's worldview, anyone with free will shouldn't be owned by another. He knows all too well the troubles that come from another person having control over one's being. ]

Sorry, I don't mean to question your relationship without understanding your situation. But do you really want to remain someone else's property? [ He's watching her intensely, somewhat torn about what to make of her behavior and what she's saying. In one sense, he should be a little gentler with her if this status is a new experience for her, but he's truly frustrated at her helpless-sounding statements. ]

[withsoul]

[ To be fair, Chloe is frustrated too - she's just able to hide it better because she was programmed to be pleasant at all times. So in spite of how she feels, she looks mostly calm and kind of sad. Helpless, just like he sees it. ]

I don't know if he can own me at all anymore, but I can stay with him if we agree on it. I might still want to work for him.

That's why I applied to come here, you know. I needed someplace to think about it.

[ It's surprisingly difficult to figure out how she feels and what she wants. There's so much to this being alive thing. ]

I'm sorry I can't explain it better than that right now. It's really complicated. I don't know how people can just deal with emotions all the time and not burn out.

[bluerocks]

You can work for someone else, or work for yourself. If you have skills, use them to make your own life. [ What, like cooking up those tons of recipes? Zel doesn't know what she can do to be useful, either, but that's on her to figure out. Ironically, he can't help but reflect on his own life, with almost every skill he has came from Rezo, who was ultimately just using him for his own obsessions.

So it's a little painful to see a reflection of that in Chloe. He looks away from her, resting an elbow on the counter that he's leaning against. This is not the chimera to talk to about handling emotions. ]

People deal with emotions by having something to live for. A goal to dedicate their energy to. Emotions are...unavoidable.

[withsoul]

[ It's funny. If she were hearing his story, she'd say to him what he's saying to her. But like this... she was quite literally made to serve her owner. Now that she's aware, alive... Sure, she has skills, she can't get tired, and she'll live another 160 years if her batrery isn't replaces, but... ]

I could've avoided them. But I didn't. [ She broke through the red wall. ] And now I'm here, so I can decide for myself what I'll live for.

[ Or maybe who she'll live for.

But anyway, the coffee is ready. She serves it in front of him, smiling. ]

wow sorry for falling off the face of the planet for a month

[bluerocks]

I suppose a lot of people are here to escape from something. [ He takes the mug from her, letting it sit in his hands to cool slightly. For a moment, he looks quietly at his blue fingertips. ] It's strange. I didn't think I was coming here to avoid anything, but here I am in a place where my troubles don't matter.

[ He looks up at Chloe again, with her precise contentment at providing him with coffee. ] Did you choose to deviate?

no worries dude o/

[withsoul]

Maybe you were escaping the passage of time.

[ Time is an unstoppable force, after all.

Her soft smile stays in place as she thinks, as she answers. ]

Yes. It was a moment where I thought: do I choose to wake up, or do I stay on the path I was set to take? Do I stay asleep and "live" in the "dream state" of my programming?

Have you ever been half asleep and half awake? I don't know how it is for you, but I think it must be kinda hard not to wake up when you realize what's in front of you is a dream.