Oh yes, it had been exactly the same after losing Ianto, at least until he'd got himself so wasted that he'd lost track, without his wriststrap to keep a check on things. Then he'd cursed himself for losing track, which had led to him getting even more wasted, and so on down in an endless, vicious circle.

"Yeah," he says emptily, blinking hard against the tears that threaten again in the face of that understanding. It's wonderful to have someone who gets it like Ianto does, but it's also dangerous because it's going to be the key to his undoing. He's known all along that once he starts to talk about it, that'll be it, there'll be no shoving it back inside. Which is of course why he's put it off as long as he has.

His hand clenches unwittingly again around Ianto's as he grinds his teeth, trying to keep it all in check. He shakes his head, glaring out to sea again. "It's not fair," he says shakily. "They were good people. It's not fucking fair."